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By: Dan Reidmiller

To begin, thanks for checking out Reidicule News. The fact that you’re even here tells me that you must have a tremendous penis, so congratulations/sorry to hear, depending on your gender identity.

Next, Reidicule News has taken the liberty of laying out for you some fan-favorite articles. That way, you can easily navigate to some of the least-terrible content on the site before clicking over to some other site with more pictures and videos and things that require no active mental effort to consume.

Finally, if you accidentally enjoy any of the articles on this site, please share. Share with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, or any other creepy, alternative social media community to which you belong (We’re looking at you, Ravelry.com-ers).

Thanks and, if at all possible, enjoy.

Some Stuff

ABC’s “The Taste” Signs Starving Ethiopian Child as Season 2 Judge

NASA Locates 3 New Earth-like Planets That Could Theoretically Support Death

Texas Judge In Quite the Moral Quandary After Unborn Fetus Kills 3

Washington Redskins Change Name to Less-Offensive “Virginia-Adjacent Redskins”

U.S. Stunned by Rodman’s North Korea Visit, Really Expected More From Freak Show That Is Rodman

NFL Attempts to Curb Concussions By Mounting 11-Inch Steel Spike to Front of Every Helmet

McDonald’s Fry Cook Filibusters Angry Manager to Avoid Getting Fired

Extreme Sportsman Completes Successful Base-jump, Funeral To Be Held Friday

2-Hour Tom Cruise Documentary “Oblivion” Due Out Tomorrow

Area Dad Reassures Son That Family Dog Died Because Kanye Works in Mysterious Ways

Scientists Embarrassed To Have Just Now Found World’s Largest Volcano

Norm Abram Goes on Mass Sawing Spree, 11 People Left With Sheds

Concert Venues Legally Required to Have Separate Restrooms for Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Drunken Obama Declares Prima Nocte

NRA: “Fuck It, Why Have Laws At All?”

VH1 Reveals 2003 Fire Destroyed All Video Footage Except ‘Behind the Music: Toni Braxton’

Boy Scouts Allow Gays, Ban Hetero Troop Leaders

WebMD-diagnosed Man Definitely Has AIDS, Or Possibly Just Eczema

That Stuff and More Stuff, Sorted By Category

Word on the Streets

Sports

Washington Redskins Change Name to Less-Offensive “Virginia-Adjacent Redskins”

NFL Attempts to Curb Concussions By Mounting 11-Inch Steel Spike to Front of Every Helmet

Extreme Sportsman Completes Successful Base-jump, Funeral To Be Held Friday

Gatorade Removes Flame Retardant, HS Athletes Spontaneously Combust

Science

NASA Locates 3 New Earth-like Planets That Could Theoretically Support Death

Scientists Embarrassed To Have Just Now Found World’s Largest Volcano

HIV Cured in Monkeys, People Who Have Sex Exclusively With Monkeys

White House Announces Hipster Folk-Band Mapping Project

Entertainment

ABC’s “The Taste” Signs Starving Ethiopian Child as Season 2 Judge

2-Hour Tom Cruise Documentary “Oblivion” Due Out Tomorrow

Area Dad Reassures Son That Family Dog Died Because Kanye Works in Mysterious Ways

Norm Abram Goes on Mass Sawing Spree, 11 People Left With Sheds

VH1 Reveals 2003 Fire Destroyed All Video Footage Except ‘Behind the Music: Toni Braxton’

My Chemical Romance Announces Break Up, Apologizes for Not Telling Anyone 10 Years Ago When It Happened

Beyonce Flaunts Sexy, Glitter-Covered Spleen

Rapper M.I.A. Found

Politics

Texas Judge In Quite the Moral Quandary After Unborn Fetus Kills 3

U.S. Stunned by Rodman’s North Korea Visit, Really Expected More From Freak Show That Is Rodman

McDonald’s Fry Cook Filibusters Angry Manager to Avoid Getting Fired

Drunken Obama Declares Prima Nocte

NRA: “Fuck It, Why Have Laws At All?”

NRA Slams Birth Control: “We Must Fight Semen With Semen”

Despite Death Threats, Area HS Student Perplexingly Continues to Choose to Be Gay

Technically True: 47% of U.S. Opposes Gay Marriage, Other 53% Are Not In KKK

Budget Cuts Force Hospitals to Start Charging For “Non-Bottled Oxygen”

Americans With “Too-Shitty-To-Buy” Healthcare Plans Somehow Outraged Rather Than Embarrassed

8 Out of 9 US Bridges “Not Deficient” So Quit Being a Pussy and Cross That River Already

“If We Let Gun Men Carry [Assault Rifles], What’s to Stop Them From Fucking Chickens?”

Glenn Beck Suspicious as Obama Spotted in Aftermath of Oklahoma Tornado

Society

Boy Scouts Allow Gays, Ban Hetero Troop Leaders

WebMD-diagnosed Man Definitely Has AIDS, Or Possibly Just Eczema

Nation Praying for Victims of Boston Bombing’s Media Coverage

Taco Bell Elects to Take USDA Meat Test Pass/Fail

Unemployed 30-Year-Old Tags Along With Dad on ‘Take Your Kid to Work’ Day

God Suspected of Striking Area Woman Dead for Ignoring Facebook Meme

Dog Patiently Explains Concept of Object Permanence to Dumbfounded Owner

Facebooker Relieved Not to Give Shit About Any of Seven Friends Whose Birthday It Is Today

Treatment for Explosive Diarrhea Found, Scientists Calling It “Olive Garden’s To-Go Menu”

30 Year Old Can’t Find Meme to Express Himself, Gets Divorce Instead

Tampax Launches New “Gender Neutral” Tampons

Report: 10% of Facebookers Unaware Others Can See Their Posts

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