To begin, thanks for checking out Reidicule News. The fact that you’re even here tells me that you must have a tremendous penis, so congratulations/sorry to hear, depending on your gender identity.
Next, Reidicule News has taken the liberty of laying out for you some fan-favorite articles. That way, you can easily navigate to some of the least-terrible content on the site before clicking over to some other site with more pictures and videos and things that require no active mental effort to consume.
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Some Stuff
ABC’s “The Taste” Signs Starving Ethiopian Child as Season 2 Judge
NASA Locates 3 New Earth-like Planets That Could Theoretically Support Death
Texas Judge In Quite the Moral Quandary After Unborn Fetus Kills 3
Washington Redskins Change Name to Less-Offensive “Virginia-Adjacent Redskins”
U.S. Stunned by Rodman’s North Korea Visit, Really Expected More From Freak Show That Is Rodman
NFL Attempts to Curb Concussions By Mounting 11-Inch Steel Spike to Front of Every Helmet
McDonald’s Fry Cook Filibusters Angry Manager to Avoid Getting Fired
Extreme Sportsman Completes Successful Base-jump, Funeral To Be Held Friday
2-Hour Tom Cruise Documentary “Oblivion” Due Out Tomorrow
Area Dad Reassures Son That Family Dog Died Because Kanye Works in Mysterious Ways
Scientists Embarrassed To Have Just Now Found World’s Largest Volcano
Norm Abram Goes on Mass Sawing Spree, 11 People Left With Sheds
Concert Venues Legally Required to Have Separate Restrooms for Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Drunken Obama Declares Prima Nocte
NRA: “Fuck It, Why Have Laws At All?”
VH1 Reveals 2003 Fire Destroyed All Video Footage Except ‘Behind the Music: Toni Braxton’
Boy Scouts Allow Gays, Ban Hetero Troop Leaders
WebMD-diagnosed Man Definitely Has AIDS, Or Possibly Just Eczema
That Stuff and More Stuff, Sorted By Category
Word on the Streets
Sports
Washington Redskins Change Name to Less-Offensive “Virginia-Adjacent Redskins”
NFL Attempts to Curb Concussions By Mounting 11-Inch Steel Spike to Front of Every Helmet
Extreme Sportsman Completes Successful Base-jump, Funeral To Be Held Friday
Gatorade Removes Flame Retardant, HS Athletes Spontaneously Combust
Science
NASA Locates 3 New Earth-like Planets That Could Theoretically Support Death
Scientists Embarrassed To Have Just Now Found World’s Largest Volcano
HIV Cured in Monkeys, People Who Have Sex Exclusively With Monkeys
White House Announces Hipster Folk-Band Mapping Project
Entertainment
ABC’s “The Taste” Signs Starving Ethiopian Child as Season 2 Judge
2-Hour Tom Cruise Documentary “Oblivion” Due Out Tomorrow
Area Dad Reassures Son That Family Dog Died Because Kanye Works in Mysterious Ways
Norm Abram Goes on Mass Sawing Spree, 11 People Left With Sheds
VH1 Reveals 2003 Fire Destroyed All Video Footage Except ‘Behind the Music: Toni Braxton’
Beyonce Flaunts Sexy, Glitter-Covered Spleen
Politics
Texas Judge In Quite the Moral Quandary After Unborn Fetus Kills 3
U.S. Stunned by Rodman’s North Korea Visit, Really Expected More From Freak Show That Is Rodman
McDonald’s Fry Cook Filibusters Angry Manager to Avoid Getting Fired
Drunken Obama Declares Prima Nocte
NRA: “Fuck It, Why Have Laws At All?”
NRA Slams Birth Control: “We Must Fight Semen With Semen”
Despite Death Threats, Area HS Student Perplexingly Continues to Choose to Be Gay
Technically True: 47% of U.S. Opposes Gay Marriage, Other 53% Are Not In KKK
Budget Cuts Force Hospitals to Start Charging For “Non-Bottled Oxygen”
Americans With “Too-Shitty-To-Buy” Healthcare Plans Somehow Outraged Rather Than Embarrassed
8 Out of 9 US Bridges “Not Deficient” So Quit Being a Pussy and Cross That River Already
“If We Let Gun Men Carry [Assault Rifles], What’s to Stop Them From Fucking Chickens?”
Glenn Beck Suspicious as Obama Spotted in Aftermath of Oklahoma Tornado
Society
Boy Scouts Allow Gays, Ban Hetero Troop Leaders
WebMD-diagnosed Man Definitely Has AIDS, Or Possibly Just Eczema
Nation Praying for Victims of Boston Bombing’s Media Coverage
Taco Bell Elects to Take USDA Meat Test Pass/Fail
Unemployed 30-Year-Old Tags Along With Dad on ‘Take Your Kid to Work’ Day
God Suspected of Striking Area Woman Dead for Ignoring Facebook Meme
Dog Patiently Explains Concept of Object Permanence to Dumbfounded Owner
Facebooker Relieved Not to Give Shit About Any of Seven Friends Whose Birthday It Is Today
Treatment for Explosive Diarrhea Found, Scientists Calling It “Olive Garden’s To-Go Menu”
30 Year Old Can’t Find Meme to Express Himself, Gets Divorce Instead
Tampax Launches New “Gender Neutral” Tampons
Report: 10% of Facebookers Unaware Others Can See Their Posts
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