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By: Dan Reidmiller

SEATTLE — 49-Year-Old Dog “Mr. Truffles,” who clearly saw his owner, Linda Geohring, place his tennis ball behind her back, patiently broke down the concept of object permanence for the dumbfounded 46-year-old, sources reported.

“So, you understand, although I am currently unable to witness the ball’s existence, per se, because of your physical inhabitance of the space between my eyes and said object, I am nevertheless capable of grasping the paramount notion that it is still there,” said Truffles.

“What’s more,” added Truffles, who, according to sources, maintained an air of relative calm throughout the discussion, both in tone of voice and overall demeanor, “I dare draw your attention to two principle truths on which I think we can agree, the primary being that object permanence is a trait developed early in the adolescence of nearly all of Earth’s creatures, regardless of kingdom, phylum, class, order, et al., and, secondarily, when considering the life expectancies of our relative species, that I am, in fact, three years your senior and in our mutual acknowledgement of the latter as inexorable, I respectfully insist that you display some semblance of deference to your elder in this particular instance, at least insofar as allowing for the mere possibility that I may be neither so gullible nor so naive as to fall for your juvenile parlor tricks.”

At press time, it was reported that Mr. Truffles was seen, paw on forehead, wishing his owner could just understand what the fuck he’s trying to say to her.

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