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reidicule logo with chef hat and butcher knife

Photoshopped by J. Dough

By: Dan Reidmiller

In this week’s edition of ReidiCulinary, we take a look at a simple, quick recipe for cooking vegan! Bon appétit!

Step 1: Be sure to cut the vegan into small cubes in order to reduce cooking time. (Note: Don’t forget to peel and dispose of the skin first. Nothing worse than accidentally getting a mouthful of that pale, clammy vegan skin mixed in with your meat!)

Step 2: Once you’ve chopped the vegan up evenly, place the cubes into a skillet and sauté with 8 oz. of double-fat whale butter. (Note: If using single-fat whale butter, double the portion to 16 oz. for full flavor. You can usually find the double-fat whale butter at any Costco or Whole Foods, though.)

Step 3: Leave your cubes in the skillet until lightly browned on the edges. Carefully drain the whale butter and scoop the weak-willed-mammal meat onto a paper plate.

Step 4: Don’t be afraid to get a little creative with the serving presentation. For example, why not arrange the feeble muscle tissue in a semi-circle around a nice, say, milk bone before carefully scraping the masterpiece off the paper plate and into your dog’s dish? After all, it’s the details that your pup will remember and appreciate while cleansing his canine palate on his testicles after ravenously devouring the anemic hipster flesh.

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