Treatment for Explosive Diarrhea Found, Scientists Calling It “Olive Garden’s To-Go Menu”

ATLANTA — Researchers at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) believe they may have discovered a potentially [social]life-saving Continue reading →

Facebooker Relieved Not to Give Shit About Any of Seven Friends Whose Birthday It Is Today

CAMDEN, N.J. — Area Facebook User Griff Paley reported earlier this morning that he is very much relieved to see Continue reading →

Local Man Discovers Satirical Story Hidden Within 7UP’s “The Onion” Ad

TAMPA, FLA — Area Resident Chris Fleery made a shocking discovery yesterday when, while clicking around an online 7UP advertisement Continue reading →

Beyonce Flaunts Sexy, Glitter-Covered Spleen

Dog Patiently Explains Concept of Object Permanence to Dumbfounded Owner

SEATTLE — 49-Year-Old Dog “Mr. Truffles,” who clearly saw his owner, Linda Geohring, place his tennis ball behind her back, Continue reading →

In Honor of John Paul II, Vatican’s Child Concubine Party to be “Low-Key”

VATICAN CITY — Top Vatican Officials this week are planning a small celebration of Pope John Paul II’s canonization into Continue reading →

U.S. Heightens Security for 4th of July

1,696 NFL Players Charged With Assaulting Each Other

NEW YORK — In a coordinated police sting operation, authorities earlier today raided the homes of and arrested 1,696 NFL Continue reading →