Elle Magazine’s February Cover to Feature X-Ray of Mindy Kaling’s Skeleton

NEW YORK — Elle Magazine recently unveiled its February cover, which features an X-ray photograph of Mindy Kaling’s skeleton.

According to professional photography critic Gilroy Franscesco, “This cover is so magnificent and tastefully done that words simply cannot describe. That’s why it’s a picture.”

Added Franscesco, “The only way I can put this perfection into English-language audio-symbols would be to say that it is both race- and weight-neutral in such a powerful manner as to make me question — nay… deny — the very existence of God herself.”

Franscesco then concluded his review, saying, “This racially existential, yet fatly nihilistic, photograph should be more than enough reparation for every parent who ever lost a teenage daughter to a bully-induced suicide, as well as for any individual who has descended from ancestors who were, at any point in their lives, enslaved.”

At press time, reports indicate that, while most experts claim the skeletal photograph is proof that beauty is not merely skin deep — even if the type of beauty required to keep such struggling media as subscription magazines afloat necessarily is — others are quick to posit that the artwork is “an affront to women everywhere” because it portrays Kaling as “big-boned… big-, white-boned.”