WASHINGTON — It was announced earlier this morning that the remains of the explosive device used in the heinous and tragic Boston Bombing terrorist attack last year — 17 metal shards in all — were selected to be among the honored guests at President Barack Obama’s 2014 State of the Union address.

According to reports, the collective shrapnel will be set on a chair in the upper tier of the House of Representatives chamber, directly to Michelle Obama’s left, and will be used by the President as “just as arbitrary of a stage prop as most of the other honored guests in attendance.”

At press time, reports also indicate that hundreds of other, far-more lifeless props will be set on chairs throughout the chamber, each of which will have a name tag to identify both the home state it comes from and the specific district it represents.

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