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By: Dan Reidmiller

FINDLAY, OHIO — Local 91 Year Old Alfred Wintacki remains oblivious to the fact that the unformed, flat bill of his Cleveland Indians snapback baseball cap is definitely upping his level of steez, several of his great-grandchildren confirmed yesterday.

Wintacki, the grandfather of 11 and great-grandfather of six, said of the profoundly fresh lid,  “Yeah, that’s my ball cap. Had it since ’83. Why do ya ask?”

While Wintacki himself is utterly unaware of the ill status of his own cap game, witnesses agree that it is, in fact, objectively out of control.

According to one such eyewitness account from Wintacki’s oldest great-grandson, Terrance “T-Rex” Yerkovski, “Old dude’s lookin’ fresh and he don’t even know. Cray.”

Wintacki’s wife, however, came forward to posit a variety of theories for “pee-pop’s” alleged dumb-fresh steez.

Among them, it was suggested that perhaps the bill was kept flat in order to allow extra room for his post-cataract block-all sunglasses.

Alternatively, a more probable theory is that despite his initial intentions of forming the bill into a smooth, even contour, he was prevented from doing so by his utter lack of shit-giving.

At press time, it was reported that Wintacki was identified stepping onto the scene at his youngest great-grandson’s tee-ball game with his signature, hip-surgery-induced pimp limp.

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