SALISBURY, DEL. — 73-year-old Edgar Congenny recently voiced his contempt for “these damned, lazy, welfare millennials” in an acrimonious exchange with co-workers at his job as a corporate intern.

“Take my grandson, for example. Kid still lives in his parents’ basement,” Congenny told a colleague while topping his boss’s morning cup of coffee with two creams and one Splenda, as instructed. “Pathetic, isn’t it?”

Added Congenny, “When I was his age, I had my life together. I was married; had two children and a career. We all had jobs; me and all 14 of my brothers and sisters. And we still do.”

At press time, it was reported that both Congenny and his grandson are eagerly awaiting the former’s retirement funeral.

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