Definitely NOT Written By: Dan Reidmiller
(The Internets) — In light of recent actual news reports, Reidicule News just wants to remind its readers that we have absolutely no opinion on the “hacktivist” group known as Anonymous.
“Nope. No opinion at all,” said Reidicule News in a prepared statement, strangely, since the publication has vehement opinions one way or another about literally every other societal topic.
According to a somewhat nervous source within the Reidicule News organization, “Well, I mean we have no opinion other than that we believe Anonymous is a bunch of wonderful, terrific people and we wish them well!”
The source continued in what he believed was confidence, not realizing he was still on the record, saying “Reportedly, I may or may not have a ton of stuff on my computer that I don’t want leaked all over the internet. Like, seriously inappropriate shit, man. I’m talking genuinely disturbing stuff that would change your opinion of me in an astoundingly negative way. I mean heinous things that could realistically cause my exile from society or maybe even get me kicked out of the human race as a whole. Are you typing this? What the fu- STOP TYPING.”
At press time, it was alleged that your internet search history is equally, if not more, disgusting than mine.