(Washington, D.C.) — In a defiant statement, the United States Postal Service declared that not only do they still exist, but that they still deliver mail… on weekdays.
At a press conference earlier this week, Postmaster General Patrick R. Donahoe responded to allegations that the organization disappeared sometime in the 90’s, saying “Are you kidding me? Haven’t any of you people checked your mailbox lately?”
Reidicule News took to the streets to gauge the public’s response to the shocking revelation that the Post Office is still very much operational and has not yet boarded up their windows and moved on.
According to local 16th-Century-Replica-Sword Blacksmith Sheldon Dingle, “‘Mailbox?’ I think he means ‘inbox.’ Haha. These old people and their tenuous grasp of the internet. Classic!”
Mr. Dingle wasn’t alone in his failure to realize that the Post Office still has employees, phones, utilities and all the other tangible faculties of a real live company, the absence of both a corporate bowling team and any actual clients notwithstanding.
Bayside Apartment Community resident Ashley Keisel, for example, said of the Postmaster General’s comments, “I feel like I cleared out all the Pennysaver Magazines and Pizza Hut coupons from my Direct-Mail-Advertisement-Box in December, or maybe November. Does that count as ‘lately?'”
At press time, Postmaster General Donahoe was overheard chuckling quietly to himself amid reports that a light dusting of snow had knocked out internet servers up and down the East Coast.