Above: A more traditional "Murray."

Above: A more traditional “Murray.”

LANSING, MICH — Area Woman Marcy Keller proudly announced this morning the birth of her healthy, 9 lb., 3 oz. baby boy who, in thinking ahead 49 years into his future, she named “Murray.”

Keller admits that the move to call her son “Murray” is a bit unusual since the name is traditionally given to babies who are born with a mustache, a job, and 43-52 years of painfully inane life under their size-39 belts, but insists that it just makes sense these days, tradition or not.

According to Keller, “I just really want him to fit in with his middle-aged friends some day. Those men can be awfully cruel, you know, teasing one another about any little thing, so I didn’t want to give them any easy targets.”

Added Keller, “God forbid I name him Tyler or Dylan or something. His friends at work would have a field day.”

“Murray, though,” Keller concluded, “well that’s a name that has middle-management mediocrity written all over it.”

At press time, Mrs. Keller reported that she couldn’t wait to take Murray home to meet his 3-year-old big sister Ethel.

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