ST. LOUIS — Area Man Daniel Beter passed away on Tuesday from an apparent heart attack while vacuuming the living room carpet in his home.
In a statement to the press, his wife, Raquel, said of her husband’s untimely death, “While it saddens me that my beloved husband of 10 years is no longer with us, I find solace in the fact that he died doing the one thing that made me truly happy – giving me a freaking break and helping out around here for a change.”
Added Mrs. Beter, “While it may have taken him 10 years to finally pitch in and clean up after himself, I’m just relieved that he was able to accomplish my life’s goal before he passed. He died with no regrets [on my part].”
While experts are still unsure whether the vacuum cleaner caused the heart attack, the National Lobby for Husbands and Boyfriends (NLHB) is demanding that the CDC search for some kind of link between the Y chromosome and an increased risk of death associated with performing household chores. The NLHB is claiming that any correlation whatsoever – no matter how irrational or unlikely – will do.
Despite criticism from the National Lobby of Wives and Girlfriends (NLWG), the all-male lobby insists that they are “only seeking to prevent this type of senseless tragedy from happening ever again.”
At press time, it was reported that authorities had taken Mrs. Beter into custody for allegedly assaulting a member of the police forensics team during the body-outlining process because he had – according to Mrs. Beter – “purposely stuck tape to the freaking carpet.”