PITTSBURGH — In a recent study by Modern Pothole Magazine, experts ranked Pittsburgh as the “Most Livable Pothole” in America.
The sociological study – which ranks the best potholes from throughout America’s failing infrastructure based on their size, depth, and yearly growth – moved Pittsburgh up four spots from last year.
According to Editor James Plasky, “While there are only a limited number of potholes in the United States that are actually large enough to support life, it’s no small feat to end up at number one. Pittsburgh just narrowly beat out Cincinnati, Cleveland, Steubenville… basically, all of Ohio.”
Reached for comment, PennDOT Spokesforeman Jerry Arniewskiovich said of the top ranking, “We’re very proud to be number one. It means a lot to us to be recognized for the work we’ve avoided.”
Adds Arniewskiovich, “Today, we are number one in America. Next year, we hope to be number one in the world, though we know it won’t be easy. We have a lot of work left to put off.”
At press time, Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl was expected to meet with Washington, PA Mayor Brenda Davis to discuss a possible lack-of-construction project that would allow all of I-79 to continue toward its inevitable collapse until the two separate potholes merge into one super-pothole and, hopefully, edge out Darfur on next year’s worldwide list.