LOS ANGELES — In an E! Network interview, Famed Famous Person Kim Kardashian announced the sex of her unborn baby, saying, “Kanye and I are excited to reveal that we are going to be the proud new parents of the antichrist!”
According to Kardashian, “The doctor did the sonogram and when we found out, we couldn’t wait to share the news with our fans. We’re just so floored to be giving birth to the satanic demise of our entire civilization. Kanye and I couldn’t be happier!”
While “Kimye” has not released the sonogram photos, the couple fondly describes the image as an “androgynous blob of evil” and says that it’s “just what [they] were hoping for!”
According to the prenatal specialist who conducted the sonogram, “the devil spawn has a tail, which is normal of all children at this stage in the gestational process, but the giveaway that allowed us to determine the unholiness of the fetus is that it has the cutest little beast horns protruding from its partially-formed head.”
The Ungodly Purveyor of Depravity, which Kardashian reports is already beginning to kick – and claw and growl ferociously – is expected to rip its way out of her womb at some point in July.
The couple has not yet announced what they will name the beezlebub, but Kardashian says she is leaning toward “Սատանա,” the un-transliterated Armenian name for the King of Hell. Says Kardashian, “It’s traditional, but timeless!”
“It’s just nice to know,” Kardashian said of learning the baby’s sex, “but in all honesty, antichrist or douche bag, it wouldn’t have mattered. As long as it’s healthy enough to enslave the human race, I think that’s all any parent could really hope for.”
At press time, NBA Player and Kardashian’s Technical-Spouse Kris Humphries reportedly still was unwilling to sign divorce papers.