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By: Dan Reidmiller

CLEVELAND — Local police contacted Grammy Award-winning Rap Group Bone Thugs ‘N Harmony yesterday, regrettably to inform the musicians that “after 17 years, there are still no new leads regarding the missing person case of Uncle Charles, y’all.”

According to official records, Uncle Charles was reported missing sometime in the mid-90s. Despite having little to go on to solve the cold-case, police are not giving up, saying, “A lot of people would just chalk it up to livin’ in a hateful world, but we know the answer is out there. We just have to keep looking.”

Asked if they had made any attempts in the past 17 years to track down their missing uncle on their own, a spokesman for Bone Thugs said, “Yes, we’ve made several attempts to locate his whereabouts through grassroots campaigns, canvassing neighborhoods and putting up flyers with his picture on them and such.” In addition to these efforts, the group’s spokesman added, “And we pray, and we pray, and we pray, and we pray… every day, every day, every day, every day.”

At press time, Cleveland’s Chief of Police John McRory offered a defiant message to the person or persons responsible for the apparent kidnapping, saying, “Tell me, what-cha gonna do when there ain’t nowhere to run? When judgement comes for you? Bone bone bone bone, bone, bone…”

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