SIERRA VISTA, ARIZ. — As the immigration debate heated up this week on Capitol Hill, illegal aliens throughout the U.S. called on President Obama to deport them.
According to one such illegal alien, Manuel Martinez, “It’s pretty simple. If President Obama tries to kick us out of America, Congress will fight to keep us here. So, we can only hope that Obama does the right thing and openly degrades me, my people, and the nation of Mexico, preferably in a way that assumes and perpetuates our limited upward socio-economic mobility within the United States.”
Added Martinez, “It would really help if Mr. Obama could throw in a derogatory racial stereotype or two as well. We would really appreciate it.”
Sources within the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) confirmed that this is an incredibly clever strategy, saying, “It’s pretty ingenious, really. Everyone knows that if President Obama claims the sky is blue, Congress will appoint a House Committee to discuss why he is such a fucking socialist… and also to try to prove that the sky is green. Very clever of them, indeed.”
At press time, the White House had just released an official statement from President Obama, saying, “The Latino people are incredibly intelligent, hardworking and creative. We are excited to have them join our nation’s work force in the capacity of seasonal laborer, construction worker or other menial occupation,” to which Mr. Martinez promptly responded, “That’s a start, asshole!”