Concert Venues Legally Required to Have Separate Restrooms for Trans-Siberian Orchestra

PHILADELPHIA — Mayor Michael Nutter recently signed into law a piece of legislation requiring all concert venues within the Greater Continue reading →

Washington Redskins Change Name to Less-Offensive “Virginia-Adjacent Redskins”

WASHINGTON — In response to a recent outcry surrounding the Washington Redskins’ controversial name, which critics argue is highly inappropriate Continue reading →

Area Dad Reassures Son That Family Dog Died Because Kanye Works in Mysterious Ways

WICHITA, KAN — Following the recent death of his family’s beloved Golden Retriever “Champ,” Area Dad Russell Kerndike consoled his Continue reading →

HIV Cured in Monkeys, People Who Have Sex Exclusively With Monkeys

PORTLAND, Ore. — Researchers at Oregon Health and Science University have developed a vaccine capable of clearing an HIV-like virus Continue reading →

Scientists Embarrassed To Have Just Now Found World’s Largest Volcano

TOKYO — Geologists working with the Institute of Really Obvious Shit (IROS) sheepishly admitted yesterday that they have just now Continue reading →

Facebooker Relieved Not to Give Shit About Any of Seven Friends Whose Birthday It Is Today

CAMDEN, N.J. — Area Facebook User Griff Paley reported earlier this morning that he is very much relieved to see Continue reading →

Local Man Discovers Satirical Story Hidden Within 7UP’s “The Onion” Ad

TAMPA, FLA — Area Resident Chris Fleery made a shocking discovery yesterday when, while clicking around an online 7UP advertisement Continue reading →

Dog Patiently Explains Concept of Object Permanence to Dumbfounded Owner

SEATTLE — 49-Year-Old Dog “Mr. Truffles,” who clearly saw his owner, Linda Geohring, place his tennis ball behind her back, Continue reading →