My Chemical Romance Announces Break Up, Apologizes for Not Telling Anyone 10 Years Ago When It Happened

NEWARK, N.J. — At a press conference over the weekend, emo band My Chemical Romance announced the group’s break up and Continue reading →

Area Woman Still Recovering From “Crazy” St. Paddy’s Day of Drinking-picture Taking

PITTSBURGH — Area Woman Melanie Daft is reportedly still recovering from what she describes as “the greatest fucking St. Patrick’s Continue reading →

GOP Leaders Sacrifice Record 114 Goats on Satanic CPAC Altar

NATIONAL HARBOR, MD — According to sources in attendance at the 2013 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) last week, GOP Continue reading →

Senator’s Gay Son Struggling But Supportive of Father’s Republican Lifestyle

WASHINGTON — Following Ohio Senator Rob Portman’s announcement late last week that he is, in fact, a republican, Portman’s 21-year-old Continue reading →

Nation Spreads Sequestration Blame Equally Between Rep. Obama, Sen. Obama and Former Pres. Obama

WASHINGTON — A recent poll shows that 84% of Americans refuse to place the blame for the sequestration budget cuts Continue reading →

ABC’s “The Taste” Signs Starving Ethiopian Child as Season 2 Judge

LOS ANGELES — Following Tuesday’s season one finale, producers of the ABC reality cooking show The Taste announced yesterday that they Continue reading →

VH1 Reveals 2003 Fire Destroyed All Video Footage Except ‘Behind the Music: Toni Braxton’

NEW YORK — At a press conference held incredibly late last night and into this morning, VH1 Spokesjockey Dave Holmes Continue reading →

Michelle Obama Helps Elderly Woman Cross Street, Sparks Outrage

WASHINGTON — Controversy is swirling this morning following reports that yesterday, at approximately 4:15 p.m. (Eastern), First Lady Michelle Obama Continue reading →