Apple’s iOS 7 to Feature Impressive, Radically Redesigned Glitches

CUPERTINO, CALIF — Apple recently unveiled the new iOS 7 operating system, which CEO Tim Cook is hailing as “the Continue reading →

Woman Thinking Ahead 49 Years Names Newborn Son “Murray”

LANSING, MICH — Area Woman Marcy Keller proudly announced this morning the birth of her healthy, 9 lb., 3 oz. Continue reading →

Supreme Court OKs Police to Collect Suspects’ DNA, Suspects Excited for Free Handjobs

WASHINGTON — In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court voted 5-4 yesterday to allow police to collect the DNA of Continue reading →

Police Still Have No Leads for Bone Thugs ‘N Harmony in Missing Person Case of Uncle Charles, Y’all

CLEVELAND — Local police contacted Grammy Award-winning Rap Group Bone Thugs ‘N Harmony yesterday, regrettably to inform the musicians that Continue reading →

Best of: May 2013

Just incase you missed any of them the first time around, here are some of the top articles from May, Continue reading →

North Korea Denies Launching Short-Range Missiles, Claims “Distance Is Relative”

PYONGYANG — In an official statement from North Korea, Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un denied recent allegations that his military Continue reading →

Glenn Beck Suspicious as Obama Spotted in Aftermath of Oklahoma Tornado

MOORE, OKLA — According to local sources in Moore, Oklahoma – the site of a recent, devastating tornado that killed Continue reading →

Area Man Hasn’t Had “I’m Like A Bird” Stuck In Head in Quite Some T- …Shit

PITTSBURGH — According to Area Man Gary Mathis, “You know what song I haven’t had playing on an endless, painful Continue reading →