Undercover PennDOT Workers Disguised As Cops To Secretly Finish Turnpike Construction

PITTSBURGH — The Pennsylvania Department of Transportation (PennDOT) recently announced plans to disguise an elite group of its workers as police officers Continue reading →

Scientists Find Water On Nearby Useless-Ass Soda-less Planet

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLA. — Scientists with the NASA space program recently uncovered several million gallons of potable water — though no traces of carbonated Continue reading →

Military Pilot Who Crashed Into Jungle Goes Unfound, FAA Blames Pilot Fatigues

WASHINGTON — Following an investigation into the crash and subsequent disappearance of U.S. Air Force Captain Wilbur “Willie” Rong during Continue reading →

90 Year Old On Deathbed Comforted By Family Repeatedly Pointing Out How Old He Is

FT. LAUDERDALE, FLA — 90-year-old Elmer Durzylwood was reportedly at peace in his final hours late last night after his Continue reading →

Vermont, Colorado, California All Frontrunners To Win 2014 State Of The Union

WASHINGTON — According to a source within the State of the Union Award Academy, Vermont, Colorado and California are the Continue reading →

Obama Invites Metal Shards From Boston Bomb As Honored Guest at State Of The Union

WASHINGTON — It was announced earlier this morning that the remains of the explosive device used in the heinous and Continue reading →

Elle Magazine’s February Cover to Feature X-Ray of Mindy Kaling’s Skeleton

NEW YORK — Elle Magazine recently unveiled its February cover, which features an X-ray photograph of Mindy Kaling’s skeleton. According Continue reading →

Skrillex Weighs In On Iran Situation: “WURRRRGRAAWWWWLLLLWICKETYREEEEEOOWWWRR”

LOS ANGELES — Asked his opinion on whether or not the U.S. lifting specific sanctions on Iran in exchange for Continue reading →